The Changing Face of Christmas
Remembering When and Celebrating Now
Dec 24, 2008 Kathy Schlossmacher
All of these memoires are precious to their beholders, even the not so nice ones of Christmases that maybe did not quite pass muster. Yet, these memories exist, becoming part of what makes a person who they are today.
Christmas Is ChangingAs people get older and social norms change so do the way we celebrate the holidays. Kids grow up and move out. They marry, have children or develop a very close extended family of friends. Grown children can't always come home for Christmas, especially when home is not really home anymore.
Parents have to learn new ways of coping with the holidays now that adult children are scattered across country or even the world as they grow up. No longer does leaving the nest mean moving twenty minutes away. This often changes the dynamics of Christmas for everyone involved.
How to Handle ItSo things have changed. What is a parent to do when the parent's notion of holiday celebration is turned upside down? The first thing to do is to accept it. Yes, things are different now. Maybe everyone won't come back to the family dinner table for Christmas. Maybe Christmas week has to become a celebration in itself where families gather on different nights to celebrate together. Others may have to settle for watching their grandchildren open presents by web cam or video, wishing they were there, but knowing that everyone is happy and healthy, but just living far away.
Possibly the old homestead is no longer the place for Christmas. Maybe it's time for parents to travel to their adult children's homes to bring the holiday together. Does it really matter if one makes one's favorite dish in their own kitchen? In the name of being together, it's ok to adjust traditions to fit circumstances and avoid the stress and disappointment of an unhappy holiday.
What do the Changes MeanThe changes mean parents have done their job. They have raised their children to be independent functional adults. They have given their children lots of Christmas memories to build their own traditions on. Adult children are not throwing away traditions of dinner at Grandma's, they are enhancing the traditions they were raised with to include their own thinking and needs. Possibly as a child you did not celebrate the day with friends only family, but visiting one's adult children a parent may find themselves celebrating with people they have never met, people who complete their adult children's lives.
So celebrate. Embrace, don't fight the changes. Extend the family in the ways adult kids have chosen and embrace the new ideas. Don't stress over it, take it as an opportunity for growth in the parent child relationship. Enjoy watching them build their own memories and be proud that they are making you a part of it.
Remember that the light in everyone's eyes on Christmas morning is a light of celebration and love, however we share and engage in it. Enjoy the newness associated with Happy Holidays!
The traditional dinner
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